Friday, May 1, 2020

Moment of Transparency

A year ago, my husband and I made the decision for me to stay home with our children.  I was in unchartered territory.  Not only was my newly born, 4 months premature baby, fighting for his life in the NICU, but I was preparing for some major life changes as a mom.  Our older son Caleb turned two years old, five days after his younger brother unexpectedly arrived.  As parents, my husband and I were beginning a major faith building journey.  Difficult is an understatement as to how things would be for the foreseeable future.

As a mom, who had just experienced a traumatic birthing experience, I was emotionally and hormonally unstable.  The way my body was responding seemed to be completely out of my control.  I cried so much that I literally could not catch my breath on several occasions that first two weeks.  I was eventually diagnosed with postpartum depression, and my OB told me she would be concerned if I did not experience the symptoms, I was having with all that happened with the birth of my younger son, Isaiah.

I can honestly say that once Isaiah was in the NICU, I did not expect what would happen in the days ahead.  Our family was basically living at the hospital, and eventually, the Ronald McDonald House.  We are so grateful for everyone who encouraged us and gave to us during that time, but boy was it hard.  Trying to raise a two year old without living in his own home, trying to be there for your newborn who was fighting for his life ( and at one point we were told he was not going to live), my husband working and trying to be there for me and his sons, and then making the decision for me to stop working and stay home with our kids.  With the situation, it was a no brainer for me to come home, but I would be lying if I said I never questioned the decision or even longed to work at times.  Professionally, though my workdays could be difficult at times, it was highly rewarding when seeing such progress being made by the children I worked with.  I enjoyed creating behavioral plans, amending plans, and being a part of a team to help special needs children reach their fullest potential at school and within their communities. All of a sudden, I went from a working wife and mom, to staying “home,” yet not being home.  I wondered if I was being an effective parent and a supportive wife. 

Fast forward to recently.  Our son Isaiah turned one year old on the 19th of April and doing well.  Our son Caleb amazes us every day.  Last night right before I tucked him into bed, Caleb began asking me what he needed to do to be saved.  Now, just some background information for you, we have been teaching him scriptures, or memory verses as he calls them, since he could talk.  We include him in family prayer time and praise and worship, and he has always been in awe when watching his dad lead worship at church or on television.  When he started telling me that he wanted to be saved last night, I knew he understood by the way he was asking.  Immediately the scripture, do not let anyone despise your youth, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity (1 Timothy 4:12), came to mind.  Right there, in his bedroom floor, I was honored to lead my son in the prayer of salvation.  As I pondered on this momentous occasion all night, I cried happy tears, and God used this as confirmation to me that I am right where I need to be in this season.
God is faithful to His Word, and He hears our prayers.  My husband and I have been praying since Caleb was in my womb that our children would begin to serve the Lord at an early age.  I am still in awe of God and how my newly three-year-old son received salvation with understanding. 

As I close out this blog, I want to encourage anyone who might be re-thinking where they are in life, standing in faith for their children, or waiting for a prayer to be answered.  Know that God is faithful to His Word. It is my prayer that your faith does not fail and that He will give you the desires of your heart in due time.  I John 5:14-15 says, this is the confidence we have before him: If we ask anything according to His will, he hears us.  And if we know that he hears whatever we ask, we know that we have what we have asked of him. Be blessed, and I am excited to hear many testimonies of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

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