Shortly after the new year, I
decided to do some much needed self-evaluation.
I realized for the past several months that I’d been living in such a
reactive state, that I hadn’t taken the time to truly process all the major
changes that have taken place in my life in less than a year. I gave birth to our youngest son at 26 weeks,
and we were told he was not going to make it after he caught a very dangerous
infection. As a result, my husband, our two-year-old
son, and I were basically residents at the hospital. Our normal way of doing life had been
immediately disrupted. In a blink of an
eye, I went from being a working mom and wife, to staying home. My husband and I went from being parents of
one to two sons with the youngest being medically fragile that he would need
intensive in-home services for a while.
With that being said, I finally sat down to do some reflection and
really allow myself to process what has been happening the past nine months or
so.
This time, I chose to do my
self-evaluation a little differently that I ever have. Instead of thinking of who or what I am not
or what I don’t have, I looked into God’s word and looked at myself through His
eyes. The picture attached to this
month’s blog is the first list I wrote of who God says I am. Seeing myself in that way allowed me the
opportunity to challenge myself, leave room for correction through the Holy
Spirit, and to be open to allow God to heal me in my areas of insecurities and
fears.
In the days shortly after such
introspection, I was able to write a thorough list of attainable goals for the
year with timelines. I was also
challenged to begin to get back to doing some things just for me, without
guilt.
This past Saturday, my husband
was adamant about me taking the day for myself.
He was very specific in letting me know that it was a day for me to be
pampered and just have fun. Initially it
was hard for me to leave the house, because there is always something to do. Toward the day’s end, I was so thankful that
my husband insisted on this happening and took care of the kids and the house
for the day. It was the BEST thing for
me. In that time, I realized I had not
had a day for me since April when our youngest son was born. I’d been so busy caring for others that I
neglected my own self-care.
In honor of February being he
love month for so many, I am not only choosing to display love for Jesus, my
family, and friends, but also for ME.
This means treating myself sometimes and actively engaging in doing those
things God wants me to do that is not attached to being a wife and a mother
without feeling guilty.
At this time, I want to encourage
anyone who might be feeling less than, stressed, tired, misunderstood, etc., to look
at yourself through the lens of God. I
pray that as you do, that you will be showered with His love for you and that
His joy is your strength. May God give
you wisdom and strategy on creating balance in your life, and may His grace
sustain and push you into actively fulfilling your purpose here on earth. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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