Shortly after the new year, I decided to do some much needed self-evaluation. I realized for the past several months that I’d been living in such a reactive state, that I hadn’t taken the time to truly process all the major changes that have taken place in my life in less than a year. I gave birth to our youngest son at 26 weeks, and we were told he was not going to make it after he caught a very dangerous infection. As a result, my husband, our two-year-old son, and I were basically residents at the hospital. Our normal way of doing life had been immediately disrupted. In a blink of an eye, I went from being a working mom and wife, to staying home. My husband and I went from being parents of one to two sons with the youngest being medically fragile that he would need intensive in-home services for a while. With that being said, I finally sat down to do some reflection and really allow myself to process what has been happening the past nine months or so.
This time, I chose to do my self-evaluation a little differently that I ever have. Instead of thinking of who or what I am not or what I don’t have, I looked into God’s word and looked at myself through His eyes. The picture attached to this month’s blog is the first list I wrote of who God says I am. Seeing myself in that way allowed me the opportunity to challenge myself, leave room for correction through the Holy Spirit, and to be open to allow God to heal me in my areas of insecurities and fears.
In the days shortly after such introspection, I was able to write a thorough list of attainable goals for the year with timelines. I was also challenged to begin to get back to doing some things just for me, without guilt.
This past Saturday, my husband was adamant about me taking the day for myself. He was very specific in letting me know that it was a day for me to be pampered and just have fun. Initially it was hard for me to leave the house, because there is always something to do. Toward the day’s end, I was so thankful that my husband insisted on this happening and took care of the kids and the house for the day. It was the BEST thing for me. In that time, I realized I had not had a day for me since April when our youngest son was born. I’d been so busy caring for others that I neglected my own self-care.
In honor of February being he love month for so many, I am not only choosing to display love for Jesus, my family, and friends, but also for ME. This means treating myself sometimes and actively engaging in doing those things God wants me to do that is not attached to being a wife and a mother without feeling guilty.
At this time, I want to encourage anyone who might be feeling less than, stressed, tired, misunderstood, etc., to look at yourself through the lens of God. I pray that as you do, that you will be showered with His love for you and that His joy is your strength. May God give you wisdom and strategy on creating balance in your life, and may His grace sustain and push you into actively fulfilling your purpose here on earth. In Jesus’ name, Amen.